Optimism. Nerves. Excitement.
These are some of the emotions I felt when I started at an art school. Studying fashion to enter the industry is a big step. From that step onwards, I realized that I had begun to metamorphose into my true self.
In the beginning, the white shell of my egg broke down for me to finally step into the world of fashion and navigate my own identity as a designer. At first, this crack in my egg was daunting, but I found my footing and embraced this new atmosphere. I felt like I belonged.
I grew into a caterpillar, eating up every new information I was introduced to and applying that to my studies and personal projects to improve upon what I taught myself before. Being more creative and experimenting with materials that I never thought I would use with this newfound environment.
After some time of experimentation and growth, it hit me, “What sets me apart from everyone else?” Feeling like my own style and taste will distinguish me from everyone else has shown to be inefficient when everyone else has thought and referenced the same material as I did. I start to ask myself:
“Do you bring anything new to the table?”
“Are you even good enough to pursue such a taxing craft?”
“Do you have any backup plans for if this fails?”
These are the questions that started to bombard my head and created doubt on my abilities. This weighted cloud of negativity felt like my chrysalis forming. It felt inescapable. However, instead of thinking of my chrysalis as a gloomy cloud surrounding me, it allowed me to pause and breathe.
At this point in my journey, it has allowed me to start thinking about making myself happy. I don’t want only to be a successful fashion designer. I want to be my own boss and create a variety of different works of art. As I start to spend time with my chrysalis, I realize that it is okay not to have all the answers, and I must take my time to grow fully. This confidence will catapult me into my fully realized form of an adult butterfly that will allow me to glide past the thought of doubt and eradicate imposter syndrome.
I am still developing and have not reached my fully realized self yet. The future is open-ended, and whatever I do now, I will take in stride to pursue a career, but mainly a life that is suitable for me from the stages that I have learned from. Maybe I will become a creative director of my brand, or my skills will take me elsewhere.
Creative Direction and Words by Lauryn C. Porter.
Styling by Daniela Guevara and Lauryn Porter.
Photography by Joe Tankersley.
Production Design by Anna McGregor.
Makeup by Amanda Applebaum.
Behind the Scenes Photography by Sarah Adcock.