Is it New York Fashion Week? I know it’s supposed to be, but Instagram has been relatively quiet. Between the pandemic and more and more designers pledging to leave the exhausted fashion schedule, I have been looking for entertainment, somewhere, anywhere!
Well. I am more than happy to share that my mind has been completely consumed by “Birkenstocks” since I opened Twitter on February 8th. Yes! You read that right! BIRKIN. STOCKS. BABY. The shoes combine the soles of Birkenstocks with leather straps crafted from authentic Hermès Birkins.
Released by Brooklyn-based company MSCHF, the shoes are gonna set you back anywhere from $34,000-76,000. This company released Nike Air Max 97 “Jesus shoes,” with soles that were filled with blessed holy water from the Dead Sea. Admittedly, I have had Jesus Shoes saved on my GOAT “wants” list for quite some time now. I don’t know what exactly that says about my character, but I guess I will have to leave that up to you for interpretation.
The sandals are of no affiliation between either Birkenstock or Hermès and are being sold in very limited quantities. My personal favorite celebrity to have bought the shoes (so far) is Kehlani. I haven’t heard her name in quite some time, but it brings me peace knowing she is somehow involved with Birkin Birkenstocks. Good for her.
This is satirical fashion in its most pure form. MSCHF is making shoes that make fun of the culture of “hype” while contributing to that culture at the very same time. A Birkin is one of the most revered and sought-after fashion pieces in the world. Their value holds so well that people consider them as investments! And now! People are! Walking in them! I am sure the board meeting at Hermes that afternoon had to look like that episode of Spongebob where all of the file cabinets are on fire.
Perhaps what I find so comforting about this franken-shoe is its echoes to – you guessed it – Mary Kate Olsen! Please, for the love of God, Google “Mary Kate Olsen Birkin.” That bag is literally beat to s***. The thing looks like she tied it to the back of a pickup and drove it through gravel. It is the chicest thing I have ever seen in my damn life.
A Birkin is a class symbol that is not only hard to get due to its price but due to its waiting list. Does anyone else remember the episode of Sex and the City (S4E11, you’re welcome) where Samantha yells on the phone, “Is Hermès French for ‘we take our f***ing time?’”
Is it possible that Birkins are, dare I say, the original hype product? Oh, the sweet, sweet juxtaposition of it all! I remember wearing Birkenstocks in high school and how it was almost impossible to get through the day without a “Jesus sandal” comment. To be fair, I did wear them year-round, sometimes with fuzzy socks, for which I still have not an ounce of shame. Birkenstocks are symbolic of earthy-crunchy realness. These two objects are from different stratospheres- this is pure camp, baby!
Written by Nicholson Baird
Graphic by Emily Tobias