The age-old question of “can people change?” has always fascinated me. Why is the question so impossible to answer? Say yes, and you’re suddenly agreeing that a serial killer can be a good person. Say no… and you take away the possibility for yourself to change. Are we all cursed to be stuck in our own personal cycles for good?
At our core, we are creatures of habit. Yet, we’re all navigating this world searching for the perfect form of life. Now obviously that looks different based on cultural background, personal differences, life circumstances etc. What the perfect life means to me is not going to align with everyone else. According to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory though, we must first complete physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, and esteem needs before being capable of self-actualization (stupid word). However, I propose that the mere concept of being capable of self-actualization is counterintuitive in and of itself.
Already under immense societal pressure to just look perfect, the idea that there is an idealized “best version” of oneself is insanity. Because maybe I have food and water, a safe home, good friends, accomplishments, and I am still not capable of being the best version of myself. Maybe I’ll never be, and that’s okay isn’t it? Many ideas created by humans are so linear, as if there is a finish line at the end of this life and not just a grave being dug. It’s almost like saying there is a correct and incorrect way to live life. I think that there may be something very beautiful in finding the peace of imperfection and continuous discovery that has been overlooked.
Now, it’s not to say that no one should reach for the stars. To follow one’s dreams is pertinent to many. But any animal with higher levels of intelligence (humans) are going to be naturally messy. Maybe I can achieve my biggest goals and “self-actualize” one day, and ruin my life the next. I beg you to try and think of a list of people who have self-actualized, completed everything there is to be perfect. I cannot think of any off the top of my head because everyone has flaws. Concepts like self-actualization are rooted in self-hatred and believing that everybody else is above you. Like that girl you sit next to in class who seems like she has everything figured out, has it ever occurred that it might all be a facade? There is no correct way to be doing life, because there is no way to win.
I think the short answer to our question is that people do not change in the way we wish they would. We are all rather reshaping ourselves over and over, and this can get really lonely. In fact, Gen Z as a whole has been named the loneliest generation. Where previous generations lacked productivity, we lack connectivity. And it may be pessimistic to say, but everyone is looking out for themselves. I can personally attest to that, although it’s also common knowledge. “Put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others,” and such. So how can we connect to others if we haven’t even fully connected with ourselves? And in the larger conversation of self-actualization, who are we actually fixing ourselves for if not ourselves? It’s in the name: SELF-actualization. This leads me to think that the creation of the concept is inherently selfish.
Now, scrolling on TikTok looking for answers is like going to a therapy session on accident and receiving unsolicited advice. Sayings like “protect your peace,” “romanticize your life” and “set boundaries,” are everywhere. Somewhere along the evolution of the internet, healing became a trend and self-awareness became content. An entire culture has been created over documenting personal growth. People post their morning routines and affirmations to prove that we’re all working towards something or a better version of ourselves. This is where self-actualization collapses in on itself. Because, if becoming your best self is only worth it if other people take notice, then maybe visibility is being mistaken for healing and you have not self-actualized yet (that is if it is even possible).
Kurt Goldstein, another psychiatry specialist, was the first person to introduce the term self-actualization. He viewed self-actualization as “the ultimate goal of every organism and refers to man”s” desire for self-fulfillment.” Not only is this thought and creation of ideas so privileged, as many are, but it is also incredibly bold to claim that every organism would want to become their greatest self. This reminds me of instances when grandmothers are disappointed in their grandchildren for not going to college, not realizing that this is a new age where free-will semi exists, so everyone’s life path looks different. Not everybody who is able wants to find their ultimate life through a degree. Maybe the real issue is that we’ve turned becoming our best selves into a moral obligation rather than a personal journey, which leaves little room to mess up and simply exist.
So why do Gen Z and people in general nowadays take things, just maybe, too seriously? I think there is a difference between many serious things occurring in our timeline of life and having a stick up your a**. It was reported that Gen Z is drinking 20% less than the previous generation, which I know seems nearly impossible with Brat Summer being the highlight of the generation’s young experience, however it could be part of the reasoning for our standard of greatness. The new generations are more concerned about looking their best, alcohol ages you, and achieving their goals young, alcohol costs a lot and a hangover certainly may impede the process of getting your work done. Actually, the only time the Hierarchy of Needs has made sense to me is when I’ve woken up after a night out and, yes, arguably my physical needs, such as a tall glass of water, do come before any other kind of other self fulfillment. So coming to a conclusion, I feel people should live even crazier and make even more mistakes today (but not like endangering anyone of course). My two cents is that not every day needs to be a formula of achieving goals towards one’s best self, but every day can be a new lesson learned.
On top of all this, a lot of the early theories of self-actualization were based on studies of powerful men. Maslow included very few women in his research and when he did, their self-actualization looked, let’s just say, very different from the men. Which leads us to talk about Carl Rogers, a more inclusive psychologist who said that there is congruence between self-actualization and how an individual views themselves. Bringing me back to one of my first points: that, the real act of growth is realizing perfection was never the point. There is something so human about loving the unfinished version of yourself forever. This generation feels so disconnected because we’re constantly trying to upgrade ourselves. Real change looks less like a rebrand transformation and more like a quiet understanding that you’re not going to wake up one day and feel complete. The goal is not to become someone new at all, but to stay curious about the person you already are.
“And in that moment I decided to do nothing about everything. Forever.”
Words by Elisabeth Edwards
Graphic by Aubrey Lauer