It’s a chilly Thursday night, and I am sitting at home, alleviating the past week’s stresses with the latest episode of And Just Like That. In my relaxed state, I fall asleep for a quick nap. Little did I know, the news I would wake up to after this nap would shatter my world and question my actions of the past ten years. As I awake, I reach for my phone to see a news notification stating, “Kylie Jenner becomes the first woman to hit 300 million followers on Instagram”. I was excited for this major milestone for a woman that I have been following for a large part of my life. I go to open Instagram to see if Kylie has posted anything to commemorate this momentous occasion. As I search for @kyliejenner on my search bar, nothing appears. I try again and eventually see her profile far down on a list of Kylie Jenner fan pages. I click on her profile, and it’s not loading. All that appears is her profile picture and her number of posts. I try to reload the page, but the same page appears. In my hazy, nap-induced state, I turn off my Wi-Fi, close Instagram, and try again, but to no avail. I have been blocked! Gasp!
I was shocked and, quite frankly, upset. Why did THE Kylie Jenner block me? What did I do to deserve this cruel and brutal punishment? I think back to anything I could have done to upset King Kylie, and nothing comes to mind. I have been following Kylie ever since I joined Instagram. I have been a fan of Kylie and the whole Kardashian Jenner clan since I can remember. I would never do anything to upset any of them, but I guess I did something to Kylie that left her feeling perturbed.
I recall watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians on Netflix and being enamored with the whole family, but I loved Kylie the most. Now, was I a bit young to be watching this show? Possibly, but I loved it anyway. She was so young when the early seasons aired, and I felt like I had a friend in Kylie. As Kylie grew older, so did I, and as social media grew, so did Kylie’s following. Her Vine era, aka her Kylizzle era, is one of my favorites. Kylie had cut her hair short, dyed the ends blue, and taken on a whole new style. Ripped jeans, band tees, chokers all paired with her favorite Givenchy bag and highest heels to head to lunch at Urth Cafe. Who can forget those giant salads all of the sisters would munch on around Kris Jenner’s kitchen island. It was a moment in time. Kylie was forming into the influencer she is today, and I loved watching every second of it.
I would like to take this time to formally apologize to Kylie. I am very sorry for whatever I did to hurt you enough to block me. Please forgive me. I will do anything to get in your good graces again. Babysit Stormi, clean your house, organize your closet, anything you need. If you could unblock me, it would bring sanity back into my life. Maybe let’s talk about this over dinner at Nobu. You’re paying, though.
Words by Tommy Drennan.
Graphic by Emily Tobias.