This indeed was not an article I was expecting to write, but a breakup can be as unexpected as a sports career-ending injury. However, many things in life are unexpected, and that’s where your grace in handling a situation comes in. To me, grace can come in many forms, entering your villain era, hacking their tinder profile, or maybe even setting their car on fire–not that I would necessarily recommend it.
And I get it–as much as you might feel inclined to send screenshots of their irrational messages to their mom, remember that the high road is a place that your ex is not familiar with. My first step for handling a breakup; is to go on a shopping spree. Not that I’m speaking from personal experience or anything, BUT Target has a great weighted dinosaur stuffed animal.
My second step is to let yourself feel everything–this might include sob screaming “Happier Than Ever” by Billie Eilish, and I mean, it’s kind of true that when I’m away from you, I’m happier than ever. Honestly, friends can be some of the best people to have around when dealing with a breakup. I’m sure at this point they are excited because they can finally tell you everything they have been waiting to say; their lack of ambition, maturity of a 13-year-old, and honestly just being the worst–they won’t even drive into town to see you, like what????
The third step is to start living your life and don’t look back once they start offering to do all of the things you’ve asked of them a million times or when they tag you in the cheesiest Insta post of all time. Remember to save all the crazy messages from this step because it will be a wild ride. When they go low and act childish, remember you’re a hot girl and hot girls take the high road. A key part of this step is realizing that you are not to be embarrassed and that they are embarrassing themselves.
The fourth step is to follow the wise words of Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy, “I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.” Remember this as you might be told things about how you are moving on and they are not. There is no such thing as moving on; it’s really about getting your life started again. When you are in this step, remember that you are allowed to grieve however you need. A breakup is a loss, a death; maybe that means throwing a funeral for your ex, perhaps that means having a night out, or just a day for yourself where you do everything you pushed aside during your relationship.
A breakup is like a kidney stone. It hurts like hell, but once you pass it, you are far better off than you were before. There is so much growth to be had through a breakup, and once you get the ick, there’s no going back.
It’s crucial to remember that you deal with this however you need to. If that means blocking them on everything, that’s okay. Maybe it means muting and restricting or just setting boundaries on how often you talk. A key piece of advice I can give you is for you to find a person or a few people to be your safety net and have them come with you to get your stuff–angry glaring included. As hard as it may be, closure is not a real thing. You can get closure by just letting yourself start your own life again. Closure does not mean you need to hug the last time you see each other or does not mean you need a big meet-up at a coffee shop. If this person makes you think that this is necessary, remember it’s because they are struggling to figure out how to live without you because you are a hot girl!
From one hot girl to another, I’m so proud of you.
Words by Annika Petersen
Graphics by Sergio Berrios.